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tv   Channel 7 Weekend News at 11PM  FOX  February 27, 2016 11:30pm-12:00am EST

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hoi! looks like the american takes this one. - ( laughs ) - ( speaking japanese ) - an ultra! - ( energy crackling ) ( rumbling ) - uh... - ( grunts ) ( rips ) - ( grunting ) - how wong's this gonna take? - ( yelling ) - ( yawns ) ( rumbling ) uh, i think i'm gonna leave. see ya around, buddy. ( birds chirping ) hey, babe. did you win your fight? i don't know. i kinda left before ryu finished his special move.
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( theme music playing ) ( beeping ) ( piano music c aying ) my name is axe cop. i live ia house with two invisible doors, one for my pet dinosaur and one for me. i only wear underwear that has a pture of me chopping off a bad guy's head. when i turn, the picture of me moves and chops off his s ad. in the morning, i usually find a broken window and i see a bad guy getting away in the distance. - ( whooshes ) - ( grunts ) i have a rigorous exercise routine. ( grunting ) i can do an infinite amount of reps of everything. a billion and six, billion and seven, billioioand eight... when i arrive at the axe cop station the first thing i do is print out a list of bad guys to kill
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at night, after everyone goes home... - good night, axe cop. - ...to be with their families i on a night mission. ( zips ) - i don't work the day shift or the night shift. - ha! i work the always shift. - ha! - because i'm a hero. boy: one day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe. that was the day he became axe cop! so he had tryouts and hired a partner. axe cop: i will chop your heads off! - ( tires squeal ) - ( machine scrapes ) - ( tapping keys ) - axe, it's 8:35. yeah, you're usually here by 8:30. - what, are you workin banking hours now? - heh heh, nailed it. no. i was on a night mission. so what bad guy did you kill last night? actually i kilild two bad guys. they were 7th graders. unfortunately their mom--
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oh yeah? they don't sound too bad. what'd they do? they stole the president's good guy machine and turned it into a bad guy machine. oh! that actually sounds pretty y d. sockarang, lock the bad guy machine in the unbreakable vault. - ( groans ) - ( phone rings ) hello, flute cop here. oh, axe cop! it's the united states president - and he wants to talk to you. - ( groans ) what do you wa? - okay. - what did the president say? he thanked me for getting his bad guy machine back and is declaring tomorrow tional axe cop day. does that mean we get tomorrow off? hey, bros, let's all take a vacation together. i hate vacations. ( laughs ) fun, axe cop. you need a break re than any of us. - not gonna happen. - what if i told you i happen to have this cake coupon right here. its good at any beach resort in the whole world. yeah, you could think of it as a va-cake-tion. hmm. a cake vacation?
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i'll have an apple juice, no ice. ( shouts ) do you have chocolate milk? whoop, this me. ( screams ) axe cop: just give me m mkeys. i'm sorry, your room won't be ready until 4:00. what am i supposed to do for two hours? - ( baby crying ) - ( hawaiian music playing ) - ( beeps ) - front desk. how can i assist you? i need 30 tv sets and 30 v.c.r.s brought to my room so i can watch movies i made of me fighting. i like to study all my moves. i'm also gonna need a birthday cake. - i have a coupon. - ( receiver clicks ) mm mm. mmm? ( growls ) you have got to be kidding ! gah! who makes these machines, - bad guys? - axe cop, is that you? - - per axe? - man! i haven't seen you since fighting college. if i'm not mistaken, that was exactly 10 years ago.
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- i'm exactly the same. - oh, we used to tear it up back then. all-night battles, chop-a-thons. - remember the punching finals? - how can i rget? ( unison ) "a kick is a punch from a foot!" ( both laugh ) man! so what brings you to hawaii? my team and i are on va-cake-tion. - that sounds fun. - what about you? i'm here celebrating my anniversary. you've chopped 10 million heads already!? - congratulations! - oh no no no no. i haven't chopped a head in ages. - itit my weddin anniversary. - ha! - you always were super funny, super axe. - i'm serious. but you should be out killing d guys. - you're a hero. - not anymore i'm not. now i'm a husband. ( tings ) ooh! speaking of which, the wife and i have this couples spa treatment right about now, so i gotta run. see ya later! i remember that. ( laughs ) that's a good move. ( static buzzes )
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- remember me? - of course i do. you're the evil red-headed woman. i killed your children because they were evil. are you enjoying your vacation? - now i'm not. - oh that's a shame, because i am. i spent national axe cop day stealing back my bad guy machine! but it was locked in my unbreakable vault! a mother with a broken heart can break any unbreakable vault. and now that i have my bad guy machine, i'm gonna go back in time and i'm going to turn everyone evil. and that includes you! ( evil laughter ) ( sobs ) i miss my sons. axe cop: we need to go on an important mission! axe cop! i knew you wanted to come down to the beach! hey, have you ever had coconut water? it's the water inside a coconut and you drink it! that's too much potassium.
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i though we were on va-cake-tion. fine. you guys stay here. i know a real hero that can help save the world. super axe! oh hey, axe cop! tracy, this my old college budddd i was telling you about. hey, axe cop! i've heard so much about you. pull up a chair and join us. no time. super axe ani are going back in time to the year 0000 to stop the red-headed woman from turning everyone evil. sorry, axe cop, but we do not want to miss e luau tonight. whoa, buddy! what are you doing? there's kids around. don't worry. it's a time-portal gun. ( screams ) oh, i forgot to put on sunblock. grey diamond, am i red? oh, you're getting cooked. this is weird, the beginning of time should be teeming with talking good animals. weird? what's weird is you can't take a hint, axe cop. i'm not a hero anymore.
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what professor teevil taught us? once a hero, always a hero. but i traded my axe for a wedding ring! don't you remember what else he taught us? always carar a spare axe. ugh, finin psst, axe cop. over here! - talking frog? - ( ribbits ) where are all your good brothers and sisters? the red-headed woman captured them. she turned them all evil! i alone have escaped to tell you. - where is she now? - she's up there, at the center of all time. i'll take you. all right, let's go. boy, i'm glad you guys got here when you did. the only reason i survived this long is because i buried myself in the dead carcass of my brother. but now that you're here, i know i'm safe-- - ( screeching ) - oh no, an evil griffin! frog: axe cop! ce i put this good frog through the bad guy machine, everyone throughout time will be turned evil forever!
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you're too late, axe cop. ( ( ughs ) help me, axe cop! everyone throughout time is now evil. who wants to fight? - i do! - no! - we do. - evil animals... attack! ( grunting ) ( roaring ) - ( bleats ) - ha! ( low growling ) what are we gonna do, axe cop? we can't stop her. - she's riding a gorilla riding a lion. - ( whip cracks ) - ( roars ) - remember our senior thesis - from fighting college? - ( evev laughter ) you mean when you put two axes together it forms a super blue diamond axe? - but that was just a theory! - now! ( screams )
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don't you mean dead-headed woman? ( laughs ) - man! - i knew you still had it in you. this was actually pretty fun. i can't wait to tell tracy that her husband still has a little hero left in him. - you can't tell tracy. - what do you mean, axe cop? we've killed everyonon at the beginning of time. tracy doesn't exist anymore. what?! oh no. - this is terrible. - i know, but don't worry, we can find more bad gs to kill on other planets. have you ever killed an alien? it's different but still fun. i can't believe it. ( sobbing ) ( groans ) i thought you were a hero, super axe. super axe, what's going on? - tracy! - axe cop showed up right before the pork was coming out and transported me here? he said something about me andndou
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god, you were right, he is crazy. he's not crazy. he's a hero. axe cop: some people have other things to do. not me. hey, honey, i'm home. some people have families. - not me. - ( anita laughs ) - yah! - some people even ve friends. - take that! - yeah! - not me. - boom. - hyah! - my name is axe cop. i don't work the day shift or the night shift. i work the always shift. - hah! - because i'm a hero. and everyone else isn't. ( theme music playing ) (cell phone rings) where are you?
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mom? your dad won't call an exterminator... can i call you back, mom? he says it's personal this time... if you're a mom, you call at the worst time. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. where are you? it's very loud there.
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( theme music playing ) grey diamond: check it out, bros. i brought my world-famous string cheese and ketchup casserole, and the potato salad should be here right about... now! liborg! ( laughs ) what's up, best friend? this is my first axe thanksgiving. that's awesome. you're in for a real treat. axe cop makes the best turkey. hey, where is axe cop? he's probably still with the farmer. why would axe cop be with the farmer? you see, each year on the night before thanksgiving, axe cop gives back to the community. - okay, so first he sneaks into the farmer's farm... - ( grunting ) ...and does all the farmer's chores, right? he cololcts all the eggs, he bales all the hay,
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- ( grunting ) - yeah, pretty much any animal that could possibly be milked, axe cop is gonna mi that animal. and then in the morning, the farmer comes down and sees that all of his chores have been done for him. next, he goes hunting in theagic forest. all the animals are super nice to him. and they let axe cop go right up to them so he can kill them. - ( gobbles ) - ( shouts ) grey diamond: then axe cop mails one dead animal to every family in the world to cook on thanksgiving. ( laughs ) now that's the spirit of thanksgiving. axe cop is probably still with the farmer. i'll give him a call. - ( rings ) - this is the farmer. hey, farmer, is axe cop still there? that son of a gun never showed up! i'm going nuts here! the farmer said axe cop never showed up. oh no, where's axe cop? he's misisng! axe cop is missing! boy: one day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe.
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so he had tryouts and hirea partner. axe cop: i will chop your heads off! - ( doorbell chimes ) - ( baby cries ) oh, hey, axe cop. aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating? too old to be trick-or-treating alone. anita, can flute cop go trick-or-treating with me tonight? of course, but don't stay out too late. hey, look, even if i did want to go trick-or-treating, - i don't have a costume. hmm. give me that baby! i w)sh for flute cop to turn into ghost cop! ( screams ) ( coughs ) oh, smoky. the best part of your costume? you can fly through bad guys and leave grenade bombs inside them! - well, hopefully this evening won't come totthat. - let's go! ( kids chattering ) - wolvi! - ( screaming ) what the heck? raisins? hey, it's okay, buddy. halloween's just getting started.
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oh, aren't you just adorable? - i'm axe cop. - no, you're not. there's only one axe cop, and he's dressed up as a wolvi. now hand over the candy, lady. well, isn't that an interesting candy bucket? you bet your sweet bippy it is. it glows in the dark. it can light up the whole world. now hurry it up! i'm never going to get - to 1,000 candies at this rate. - ( coins clink ) what the heck? pennies? it's been like this all night, axe cop. i've hit every house in the city. - no one has any candy. - did you try the cul-de-sac up by the golf course? - last year they had red licorice! - this year... crayons. - what about the big house on the hill? - bookmarks. - big, giant bookmarks. - no! i hate books! it's like all the candy on earth is gone! i'm done trick-or-treating... - forever. - don't say that! - too late. i just did. - ( clatters`) well, this halloween has been a certified bust. i guess you win some and i guess you lose some,
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no, i always win some. so buckle up, ghost cop, we're not going home until we have 1,000 candies! but you heard the kid-- none of the houses have e ndy. wrong! he said none of the houses on earth have candy. - wexter! - ( roars - ( growls ) - i know a house that has the best candy. to uni-planet! axe cop, i don't see uni-man's house anywhere. of course you don't. it's invisible. - it is? why? - so bad guys can't find it. see? over there. - you feel anything? - no. this guy is such a genius. an invisible house. wait, i think i found something. - an invisible doorknob. - awesome! ( men grunt ) - ( doorbell chimes ) - axe cop: trick or treat! axe cop, ghost cop, fantastic costumes. let me get you some candy. - you know i have the best candy. - see? i told you.
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you know, like the ones you get at the cinema-- - but now it's filled with... - raw vegetables? hmm. something fishy is going on. let's go to my uni-lab and consult my c.t.m.-- my candy tracking machine. hmm, if i adjust the caramellometers and scan for sugartivity, ah! there she is. axe cop: all the candy in the universe seems to be heading tohanksgiving world. - this is terrible! - wrong! it's fantastic! every year, i look for the perfect house with the most candy, and it looks like we just found it. there's just one problem, axe cop, despite its name, thanksgiving world is a very scary, dangerous planet rulel by the one and only "turkey turkey" and his evil army of evil pilgrim soldiers. let me pull up my t.t.f.-- my turkey turkey file. you see, if you don't clip a turkey's wings, a they will never stop growing. and when turkey turkey was a baby, - he dodged his master's attempts to clip his wings. - ( screams )
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into a giant turkey with huge wings. - he was raised by falcons... - ( screeches ) ...who taught him how to claw and bite with his super sharp beak. and if that weren't enough, he can dive-bomb and throw razor-sharp feathers hidden on his body. computer: warning! wararng! ( beeps ) i beg you-- do not go to thanksgiving planet. it's a suicide mission. ( roars ) - mmm. - are you sure you should be - picking candy up off the ground? - race you! ( sighs ) hey, didn't you say your candy bucket - glows in the dark? - don't you know it. huh. that's weird. this doesn't look like a regular cave. mmm. it tastes like carrotot celery and onions. no! axe cop, it's mirepoix! we're in a giant oven!
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- hand over the candy! - too late, axe cop! i've already eaten it all. there's no more candy left in the universe. but if there's no candy, - there's no halloween! - exactly, and now thanksgiving is the best holiday in all of autumn. whoa! wait, that's why you wanna ruin halloween? because it's better than thanksgiving? of course! how can turkey compete withthandy? it can't! and from now on, it don't have to. ( laughing ) - nice try, turkey turury. - ( gas hissing ) but you can't stop me. ( yawning ) i'm axe cop. oh no, it's tryptophan. ( yawning ) it's making me so tired. why don't you two take a nice month-long nap? i like my thanksgiving dinner well-rested. nighty-nighty. ( whispers ) gobble gobble.
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happy thanksgiving, my evil pilgrims! gobble gobblblgobble. and what a special thanksgiving it is-- axe cop and ghost cop are the main course! looks like we're finally done for, good buddy. but sie it is thanksgiving, i'm thankful i'm spending my last moments with you. i love you, man. - anything you wanna say to me? - yes. while we were sleeping for 28 days, i dreamt thatwe'd be saved by a man with the power of all the seasons. - huh. - his name is season man, and in my dream i also learned that he is married and has quadruplets. i'm afraid that really doesn't help us. dreams are just dreams. they're not real. not my dreams. everything i dream comes true. - ( wind howling ) - season man: turkey turkey! ( evil pilgrims scream ) - see? - season man! - ( wind gusts ) - ( grunts )
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thanks for dreaming me up, axe cop. my pleasure, season man. - ( grunts ) - oh! ( laughs ) i'm dying, axe cop. don't worry, season man. next time i fall asleep, i'll dream u u the perfect father to marry your wife and take care of your quadruplets. - thanks, axe cop. - shh shh. save your strength... for dying. well, e cop, it looks like i'm going to have to kill you the old-fashioned way-- i'm going to r@p you apart and peck you to death. there's only one problem-- when you weren't looking, ghost cop flew through your body and left a grenade bomb inside of you. - ( pin rattles ) - best halloween costume ever. wait! what? ( rumbling ) he's missing! axe cop is missing!
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hey, axe cop! where have you been, bro? it took a whole month, but i finally collected 1,000 candies! - ( cheering ) - yeah! i'm gonna eat all of the candy all at the same time! yay! - what about the turkey? - liborg's right. you can't have thanksgiving without no turkey. this year we're not having turkey. - uh, what? - we're e ving turkey turkey. ( grunts ) - ghost cop: all right! turkey turkey! - grey diamond: i call the leg! - ghososcop: i want the wing! - it's delicious! what about you, axe cop? you a white meat guy or dark meat guy? neither. i'm a head meat guy. ( cricket chirps ) ( rock music plays ) ( theme music playing ) (ugh.) does your carpet ever feel rough and dirty? don't avoid it, resolve it.
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conditioning ingredient, softens your carpet with every use. it's resolve, so you know it cleans and freshens. but it also softens. resolve. a carp that welcomes you. and to clean pet messes,
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sorry, princess, but i usualljust paint flowers or butterflies. uh, i don't know what a chemical burn looks like. -here, let me show you! -(gasps) (screaming) (laughing evilly) oh, hey, dylan, i see you got the invitation my mom forced me toend you. i'm only here mackenzie b, because my godlord, golan the insatiable, will soon unleash -a fiery reign of terror-- -a fiery reign of terror on the peasants of oak grove, blah, blah, blah.

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